I hate people.

I really hate all of this.

I hate that some people think of me as a doll. Like I don't have any feelings.

Even if I don't really show that I'm hurt, I can be. Way too much.

This is what people don't understand. When they think of you as a lovely, nice and happy person, they'd never think of you as someone who can be sad.

Now, let's be serious - do I have ANYONE to talk with?

Do I have anyone to tell the truth?

Do I have anyone to cry out loud?

Nah.

Because I'm the one listening to others.

And it's not even their fault. Well, maybe it is.

The thing is, that I simply can't trust ANYONE anymore. Not even my own mother.

This is so sad. Really, this is just sad. Even though I was so happy just fucking yesterday, every little tiny thing destroys me. Or maybe it is even a big thing. I guess so. Maybe it hurts like hell that she's stealing my identity.

I don't know who I should pity more. Me or her.

Everything passes by so fast.

Everything feels like it's getting torn away from me.

Everything feels so empty and meaningless.

I want those colours back in my life.

Do me a favour.

I can't fucking stand this shit anymore. God, how much I realize that I hate you.

You'll never change. You'll just never ever change. Why the fuck do I even try?

The only thing you want to achieve is to devour my life, my soul and just everything else.

Your life is oh-so-perfect?

Too bad that I don't give a shit about it and you're interrupting me.

Eating up my soul.

Fuck off, you little bitch.

Rot in hell, you little whore. How much I fucking hate you.

I'm fucking tired of being the nice little bich for you. I'm tired of you acting like I mean the world to you.

I know I don't, so just fuck off already.

I want my life back.

A perfect sweet lolita day!

Es war so ein wundervoller Tag~ Das erste mal, dass ich richtig Sweet Lolita angezogen hab, und mich mit meiner allerliebsten Schoki getroffen habe *///*~ Es war so ein tolles Erlebnis, und diesmal war ich von den Reaktionen richtig positiv überrascht!

Zuerst wurde ich von einem kleinen Mädchen total bewundert und Prinzessin genannt *///* ... Später sind wir dann in den Coffeeshop gegangen und haben dort nen Kuchen und Erdbeershake bestellt.. Dann sind 2 jugendliche Türken auf uns zu gegangen, wo ich schon richtig Bange hatte... und die fragen uns total nett was fürn Style das ist *_* Dann sage ich Sweet Lolita und einer von ihnen sagt "Oh, das habe ich auf Galileo gesehen... Na dann, schönen Tag noch und viel spaß"... SOOO NETT! >w<

Dann sind wir durch die Stadt gegangen, und da war eine wunderschöne, große, dünne, erwachsene Japanerin (gott, war sie perfekt!) und sagte "Sehr kawaii", mit einem wundervollen Lächeln... Ich und Schoki waren soooooo gerührt davon, und ich sagte sofort "Arigato!", und sie antwortete "Dou itashimashite!" GOTT >^< <3 <3 <3 Wir sind soooo froh darüber und das hat uns richtig den Tag umso mehr versüßt... Von einer Japanerin süß genannt zu werden, die auch wirklich weiß, dass es ein japanischer Modestil ist... Es war das beste Kompliment überhaupt >///<!

Dann sind wir noch zu Amorine (oder so) gegangen, dem besten Eiscafé der Welt *-* Das Eis schmeckt dort soooo göttlich, und sieht aus wie eine Rose!! *_* Und da waren dann eine Gruppe von erwachsenen total besoffenen Männern, die uns durch die Scheibe angeglotzt haben, und uns wahrscheinlich gefilmt + fotografiert haben... Aber wir habens ignoriert, aber es war so ungemütlich... Dann ist der Verkäufer raus gegangen und hat sie verscheucht Q///Q Und ein Typ, was drinnen gesessen ist und wie der größte Prolet aussah sagte dann "Die haben euch nur fotografiert weil ich so wunderschöne Kleider habt!" Q///Q GOTT WIE SÜß!! Dann haben wir uns beim Verkäufer bedankt, und sind dann fröhlich heim gegangen <3

Es war ein wundervoller Tag, und ich bin so dankbar so eine einzigartige Freundin zu haben <3 <3 <3 ~

Und, wir haben uns ausgemacht das nächste mal Stoff für unser Madoka Cosplay zu kaufen <3 Ich freu mich so rießig!

Ich kann mit Stolz sagen, dass ich die wohl wundervollste, süßeste, schönste, netteste und liebste beste Freundin der Welt habe! >///< <3

Hier noch (leider nur wenige ;_;) Fotos~

Ich mit meinem Schokobrownie und Schoki mit ihrem Toblerone Kuchen *_*

<3

Spekulatius Eis + Vanille <3

Nobody's fucking business.

It hurts.

I don't even know what to say.

I don't even know what hurts.

But I know, that it does, and I know, that it's eating my insides out.

I don't want to be here.

I want to be somewhere else, want to find my place, want to find happiness.

How can you find it?

Is it my fault? What am I doing wrong?

I feel so hopeless. Worthless. So stupid.

I feel like I can't do anything right. I feel like I'll never get over myself.

How could I ever be able to face the future?

How am I going to survive this sickness, this madness, this monster?

Everything passes so fast. Everything's running past me. Everything's running out of time.

Out of my control.

I miss the past. I miss myself. I miss what I used to be.

No, I was pretty much the same.

I miss what I'm not.

I don't want to feel this pain anymore.

I don't want to feel lonely anymore.

This loneliness is killing me. It's killing me.

This murderous emptiness.

Luxury Babe Circle Lenses Review

*sigh~~

Well then, here is my circle lens review for Luxury Babe Lenses.

Left: Luxury Babe 04 pink  -  Right: Luxury Babe 03 brown

Let's start with the pink Luxury Babe 04 ones.

without lenses

with lenses in bright daylight, no flash

in a somewhat darker room

At first they were really uncomfortable, because they didn't fit my eye, and they didn't get in the right place at all. But after rolling around with my eyes and moving the lens it was pretty okay. It got comfortable to wear, it didn't hurt even a tiny bit putting them in or wearing them. It looks veeery good in a warmer light, because then my real eye colour isn't visible anymore.

So, I'm really happy with them, even though it's annoying that it sometimes moves away from the iris, and it doesn't fit anymore.

Also, they don't blend in with my green eyes THAT much, so they still look very beautiful and pink. In reality it looks even cuter and really baby pink. Very cute! *o*

pro:

• beautiful, cute colour
• easy to put in
• doesn't hurt at all

contra:

• lens moves around sometimes ._.

Now, Luxury Babe 03 brown...

so many different feelings about them.

without lenses again

with lenses, bright daylight, no flash

in a darker room, no flash.

Ugh, okay.. As you can see in the lens glass bottle, they are SUPPOSED to be yellowish. But they blend in so much with my green eyes, that they turn out very very dark, and kind of a.. mud colour. I really, really think that they are beautiful, and it's kind of a unique colour.. But I didn't want it. It looks a tiny bit better in a bright daylight, in reality it's even more yellow than on the pictures, but it's still not what I expected it to be. Also, after I put them off, my eyes started to hurt a lot, and it still hasn't stopped.. But it may be because of the liquid they were in, because it obviously wasn't the one I use. So I guess that'll change.

pro:

• fits my eyes very well
• stays in place very well

contra:

• blends in with my eyes too much
• not the colour I expected
• causes pain after wearing

So..

I hope you liked the review, and I hope it's useful to you.

Bai-bai!

P.S.: I bought them from tofupanda_eyeZ. You should definitaly check out her site. The service is just wonderful, she's very, very patient and nice, and really supportive. Thanks again!

I'm yours.

Yes, I'm a monster.

Yes, people know.

And you know it too.

But even though I'm a monster,

even though there's something inside me, I can't control,

you love me.

You love me, because I am me.

And I'll always be myself.

You gave me those feelings I lost.

You make me feel so alive.

So human.

That's why I'll protect you, forever.

I'm going to win this battle.

I'm still fighting.

Tofupanda_eyeZ Giveaway, yay!

パンダ姫のワールド: PRIZE GIVEAWAY

Click it.